Just Some Items For Life…”For The Greater Good.”
I keep hearing all the time from others who lecture me on my speech, activities, hell, even my desire to be simply left alone by these lunatic lecturers at times. There’s an ever-increasing number of restrictions, not just on me but on all of us that we’re being “asked” to which to conform while those rules don’t apply to them. Such is this case I’ll share with you now.
This is just one example of the many that some of us get bombarded with on a daily basis, however, I’ve come to notice something. People like this lack basic life skills. Many of them can’t operate a pinpad for their debit card and go well out of their way to hold up the lines that are forming behind them. Still, to people just like this, you and I need to be restricted, you know…for the greater good. They love to use that phrase “for the greater good” and I would like to think we all know what that means.
They drone on about their meaningless college degrees, how buried under their student loans they are, the “wage gap” and all manner of trite and cliché bullshit that translates to the fact that they’ve gone through the path of least resistance and now you owe them for gracing you with their presence. Gods be with you if you’re the person that has to help them in any kind of service industry. They also love lording it over you as though you’re nothing more than a peasant and they’re the nobility while simultaneously proclaiming themselves as the proletariat who’s just looking out for you, of course while trying to smash the bourgeoisie. They’re both victim and victor…depending on what time of day it is.
They “ask” quite a lot from those of us who just want to pay our bills, eat our meals and strive each day for a better position.
Well, I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know, of course. They’ve “asked” so much from us and constantly tested us for purity that I have a few requests of my own. I really want to start with parents.
Parents, teach your children how to match shapes and colors. This will come in handy for simple installations. Hooking up video game systems, knowing which cables to use, even getting things done at some self-service kiosks. This is very low-end stuff. Doesn’t take a lot of brain power to really do. Square connectors go into square ports. Got a lot of circular ports? Look for colors that match and plug those suckers in! Know the differences between the USB plugs. You don’t have to know the subtle ins and outs of them. Lightning, Micro USB and USB-C. Those are pretty universal these days. The other end is simply USB-A. Having that will give your kids a leg up and if you don’t know the differences, use the internet and look them up! If you have a masters in Gender Studies, then surely you can look up connection ports and find the right fit. BTW, that only takes about five minutes if you have a crappy signal on your phone.
You need to go to your wallets right now and start teaching your children one thing they’ll need to know. Symbols. Teach them to read simple symbols. When you’re in line at the checkout and it’s your turn at the pinpad, I don’t mind waiting behind you while you show your kids how to know which cards to tap, swipe and insert so that the contact on your card will read. If I’m going to watch you bumble and not look directly at the screen because your attention span is so infinitesimally small that you can’t possibly take five seconds to look at the screen, see the wave symbol on both your card and the pinpad or just look at the thing and actually insert your card, I’m also gonna look at your children and think we’re all doomed.
We’re all very, very aware that “They’re all so different!” and we know “Why can’t they all just be the same?!” but we don’t have the time nor the energy to explain it to you. There’s a line behind you. I’m behind you and the reason I say your children are doomed is because you constantly spout that and then your children learn that and they begin doing what you are doing; blaming others for your lack of knowledge and your inability to adapt to any given situation. Stop making excuses.
Here’s a time-saver. Learn how to read the tags. While it’s not a perfect system, most stores (that are woefully understaffed at the moment and the employees overworked and underpaid) do their best to keep the pricing accurate and up to date. Carefully reading those markings, takes only a couple of minutes and, if something seems off, yes, you can have that checked. These days, there are employees ready with a device in their pockets to scan things and tell you exactly what’s going on. If it’s wrong, they have no problem notifying the person up front of the situation to cut you a break on the price since it was marked incorrectly. Works out for you quite well in many cases and it saves all of us some time because we don’t have to wait behind you while someone who might be busy is summoned and then that person has to make a run through the store to confirm.
This is one of my absolute pet peeves when moving through today’s world, The Couponer. Jesus Horatio Murphy, this bunch. Okay, let me explain how and why this works. First, the how. Yes, many places have gotten rid of their circulars and coupon books because they’ve been abused. Now, just about every major retailer has an app coupled with a sort of rewards program. If you sign up, you get the sale prices. I only recommend this for places you frequently go. George “Corpsegrinder” Fisher of Cannibal Corpse did a video where he was doing some shopping at Target. He used their app to check prices to ensure that the clearance deals he was getting were legit and clipping coupons to his account. Upon checkout, he got the best deal he could possibly get and spent very little. Before you start jumping up in arms, here, you do not have to have every app for every major chain out there. Just the ones you frequent. You’re not being asked to become a comp-sci-level hacker to do this. It’s easier than you may expect. Clip the coupons to your account for everything that month. Everything. Whether you need it or not. When you shop there and coupons come off, it’s a pleasant surprise.
Now we need to address this one. Read The Fine Print On Everything! We’re continuing off of coupons here and here’s why. Why this has begun occurring is that the companies are reimbursing the business for the coupons. If a coupon is for $1.00 off of a purchase, that’s what you get, a dollar break off of the price. Those coupons have limits. Some only allow one coupon for that item per customer, per household. Past that limit, the business is not going to be reimbursed and the business has to eat that. Doesn’t sound like much until you get multiple couponers per day and then that starts to add up. When you’re trying to get $100 in goods for only $5, might work out great for you but for the business, they just lost anywhere from $50 – $75 per ticket and if they serve 150 – 300 people per day, that math ain’t exactly mathing right. Businesses need to, and I know this word is scary to you, profit by at least 25% in order to keep their doors open and with inflation, it’s probably even more now so, with the internet being what it is, yes, that translates to limiting the paper coupons because it’s a response to the abuse that some have leveraged and all because they refused to read the fine print. Also, be sure to read any printed coupons that come with your reciepts. Really read them. Sometimes, it’s not $5 off your entire purchase, it’s $5 in your rewards account. Read. Seriously. Teach your children how to read as well.
Self-Service kiosks are not that complicated. It’s literally touching a picture. That’s it. Some of those pictures even have what they are underneath them or next to them. You’re not going to start a game of Global Thermonuclear War with it. This goes back to reading symbols, icons, coupons, etc. See how all of this is tying together? Don’t get intimidated, if you’ve made it this far, you’re doing well but retain it in your memory because you’re going to need it. Touch that screen, play around with it a bit. Take your time. Figure out where the options you want really are. Again, they’re not the most efficient or perfect things but here’s the key thing to remember. You’ll either spend time or you’ll spend money. With those gender studies degrees not really paying the bills, which one do you want to spend? If you really want to save some time and money, go through the apps or websites in most cases, not all, of course. If you can navigate your Facebook, Tumblr or Twitter, surely you can navigate an app for a store’s location. Some stores will charge you extra for sitting on an employee and monopolizing their time (remember that some of these people are doing the work of three to four people and only getting paid for one these days) because they’re now doing it for you. Minimize that as much as you can. There’s nothing you can mess up that can’t be fixed.
Learn Some Patience. Look, I push for people to practice at least 10 minutes of quiet meditation a day if they can. In today’s day and age, we have near-instant gratification. Every whim and desire is fiber-optically-linked together, there’s nothing you can’t get almost immediately, I get that but we all have to remember that the world isn’t perfect and sometimes, shit runs out. That app might say that your location has about 13 of the item left but it never took into account those gangs of boosters running around. The employees are also timed on fulfillment and sometimes, they miss the instructions you leave and you won’t know until you go to pick up your order. There are times the order didn’t come through or you didn’t specify things. Life’s hard, folks, get a helmet. Roll with the punches at times.
Have ID Ready. I really can’t believe that this is something I need to say but here it is. I can’t tell you how often I’m in line behind someone who says “Oh man I left my ID (or phone) in my car, I have to go get it.” oohh boy… Tobacco, Alcohol, Weed, Vapes, it doesn’t matter. If you know that’s what you’re going to pick up, have that thing in your pocket and ready. You wanted to “think of the children” albeit inconsistently, this is what you wanted, this is what you got. Some places are going to card you even if it is evident you’re in your 80s and 90s. Stop taking it personally, they card, and this is key…everyone. The business right down to the person behind the counter is held liable for any underage sales so they’re not going to chance it. They have to scan that ID in many cases. It must be up to date and furthermore, they’re not going to do it from a picture on your phone.
Final one, here, I promise. Have what we like to call an EDC (Everyday Carry) on you at all times. It’s just a few simple items that you’ll use every single day and maybe a couple more that will be situational. Make yourself useful. A small multitool that’s appropriate for you like a Swiss Army Knife, your wallet, a watch, your phone, a bandana or handkerchief, a pen, a notepad, a small flashlight, some duct tape or Gorilla tape wrapped around an old gift card your keys, those are a great start. Look at what you currently have and start thinking about that stuff. Start playing some games in your mind of what you would do in an emergency and then make adjustments from there. Every EDC is going to be a little different. There’s the stuff you’ll carry on you, the stuff you’ll carry in your car and the stuff you’ll keep at home in case of emergencies or what you’ll use every day. The main point is Prepare For Your Day. Customize it around that. If you’re the only person in the room with a pair of scissors from your Swiss Army Knife/Multitool, you’re a rock star at that moment. Most of these things are small enough to pocket, why are you not carrying yet?
To wrap all of this up, it’s high time to start pondering these ten items, people. Piss Poor Prior Planning On Your Part Does Not Constitute An Emergency On The Part Of Everyone Else. For the actual Greater Good, if you don’t have an independent bone in your body yet, it’s time to grow one. Meditate, get your shit together and stop lecturing others and making excuses while being an insufferable burden on everyone else around you.
In short…Do Better.
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